


The Telephone Game

by Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship, NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: I'd like fries with that, Poe started it, Rey is better at this than anyone else, casually crank calling the First Order, no really this is just crack, why is it always you three?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9809027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship/pseuds/Not_So_Secretly_a_Spaceship, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn/pseuds/NotSoSecretlyAUnicorn
Summary: There is a curl of breath down the line and then a voice whispers, silkily, anonymous..."I know what you wear under your uniform."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY NOT SORRY

A call is put through to General Hux.

"Yes," he bites out. He's very busy, he doesn't have time for -

There is a curl of breath down the line and then a voice whispers, silkily, anonymous...

"I know what you wear under your uniform."

The line goes dead.

Hux is frozen in roaring paranoia.


	2. The Ginger One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s in a meeting with his heads of department when the second call makes it through.
> 
> “Yes,” he says crisply, expecting the report from Sergeant Toolk on the feedback from sector eight’s primary routing systems, but instead…
> 
> “Yeah hi, is - is this the First Order?” says a voice and he can feel his ears go red hot and then burningly numb as the white noise descends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is this so easy to write...?

He’s in a meeting with his heads of department when the second call makes it through.

 

“Yes,” he says crisply, expecting the report from Sergeant Toolk on the feedback from sector eight’s primary routing systems, but instead…

 

“Yeah hi, is - is this the First Order?” says a voice and he can feel his ears go red hot and then burningly numb as the white noise descends.

 

“Erm,” says one of his dimmer aides.  “Yes, it is…?”

 

“I’d - gosh I’ve never done this before,” they say, “I’d like to order the, ah, the gigolo.  The ginger one.”

 

He sees Colonel Calren mouth, “the what?” to his lieutenant.  At his elbow, Unamo has gone ramrod straight in her chair.

 

So at least one other person in the room knows what a gigolo is.

 

Hux refuses to think about the reasons  _ he _ knows what they are.

 

Instead he makes a strangled noise that he hopes is interpreted as rage and slams a fist into the comm, shutting down the connection.

 

\-----

 

Somewhere across the stars, in a boxy wee office down a dusty corridor of the Resistance base, Rey drop her headset and folds double in her seat, crying with laughter.  Poe and Finn are wheezing, clinging to each other to stay upright.

 

“Kaydel,” Poe finally manages, “Kay, you are a genius.”

 

Lieutenant Connix shrugs and smirks, which is fairly restrained for someone who just casually hacked the First Order’s internal comm system.

 

They’re still giggling when the door slams open and General Organa barks, “You!  Why is it always you three!”

 

“Ma’am!” Poe says, dying inside.  “We - we were just - Kaydel managed too -”

 

“Break into the First Order’s internal systems,” she growls, “We know.”

 

Kaydel cowers a little, eyes wide.

 

There is a fraught pause.

 

General Organa’s eyes narrow.  

 

“Do you think you could do it again?” she says.

 

Kaydel nods, eyes wider.

 

This time the General is smirking.  “Rey, give me that headset.  You kids want to crank call someone, this is how it’s done.”


	3. Go big

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Go big or go home right?"

Supreme Leader Snoke peers down at the men before him.  Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren, and General Armitage Hux stand before the mammoth hologram.  Hux is calm.  Ren is  _ infuriated _ .  

 

“You have failed in the task I placed before you,” Supreme Leader Snoke booms.  Hux is smug; he can practically hear that great oaf grinding his undoubtedly oversized molars in thwarted rage.  

 

Then the call comes through.  

 

“I need emergency services,” comes the shrill voice.  It is amplified over Supreme Leader Snoke’s connection.

 

It is a slow lean forward, Supreme Leader Snoke’s mouth twists.  “What?”

 

“I need emergency services.”  Hux’s gut turns to water.  “My cat is stuck up a tree again.  Also there’s a suspicious man walking up and down the street.  I don’t know what he wants, but I don’t like how he looks.  He’s shifty.  He has a moustache.”

 

The hologram very suddenly disappears.

 

\-----

 

General Organa removes her headset and drops it on the desk.  “Boom,” she says, and leaves the office.

  
“Well,” Poe says, sounding slightly strangled, “go big or go home, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehehehehehe....


End file.
